How to Deal and Heal Your Jealous Behavior

by Susie and Otto Collins, Relationship Coaches

Whether it's a feeling that you try to deny and keep as a secret or
it shows up in actions of anger or rage, jealous behavior is something
that you simply have to deal with in order to have relationships that
are happy and healthy.

Our relationship advice to overcome jealous behavior and create
great relationships involves changing what you think and what you
do in moments when those feelings get the best of you.

When a person is jealous, it can show up for many different reasons--
other people's things, their success, their beauty, their money, their
athletic prowess, their relationship, their kids, or their education.
It can and usually does show up with a partner in many different
ways and can wreck relationships pretty quickly.

The jealousy can show up as a small, nagging feeling or it can be
an all-encompassing obsession that takes over your life. In its
extreme, it can lead to separation, divorce and certainly a
relationship breakup.

If you are displaying jealous behavior and you don't know what to
do about it, here are some ways to begin helping you heal:

1. Take some time and get in touch with what you are feeling. Stop
what you are doing when those jealous feelings come up and just sit
and allow them to surface without judging them and without lashing
out at someone else. Whether there is any truth to what you are feeling
or not, allow your feelings to be there. If you sit long enough with
jealousy, you'll probably find that underneath is anger and underneath
the anger is fear.

When you can address either anger and/or fear in your life, you will be
on your way to healing.You can ask yourself--"What am I really angry
about?" or "What am I really fearful will happen?" Just be with the
answer that comes to you.

2. Are your suspicions true or are you making up untrue stories when
jealous feelings come up for you? The stories you tell yourself may have
no basis of truth to them and may be "left over" from your experiences
of the past or there may be truth to what you are telling yourself. No
matter what's true and what isn't true, find out what's actually happening
and what isn't.

3. Have the courage to face whatever is true. If there is truth to what
you fear is happening, then create a plan to confront the problem with
honesty. If there isn't any truth to your fears, then commit to yourself to
run a different "story" in your mind each time those fears come up. At
those times, remind yourself that you are only making up stories that
aren't true.

If the actions that you fear are actually happening, ask your partner to
change their behavior and if they refuse or pretend to change but they
actually don't, then you may need to decide if want to continue this
relationship.

If you know that you are making up stories from past experiences that
are untrue, then you can decide to change what you believe and how
you behave.

If you are jealous, it is a wake-up call and call to action to begin taking
charge of your life instead of letting your fears get the better of you.

When it comes to jealous behavior no matter how it shows up in your
life, it doesn't go away until you deal with the issues, make changes and
keep moving toward healing, no matter what.  You can't blame others. 
You have to be committed to changing yourself.

If you have this problem, know that many people, like you, have healed
and eliminated it from their lives and so can you.

For a free mini-course on healing jealousy, visit http://www.jealousnomore.com